I’m having an existential crisis again. It’s been twenty odd years since the last one and now twenty years later, ‘here we go again’, life’s circumstances have left me with plenty more time to think about things and it’s still as depressing as ever.
And then to add to my already large pile of woes, came a surprise letter! A court letter had decided to turn up after all these years regarding my non-payment of fine… Well I’ll be damned - they had finally caught up with me.
I felt sick to read that letter at first. As I’ve already mentioned; I’ve had a lot of woes to deal with recently. It’s been one of them where your out-goings have been queuing up one after the other and this was the last thing I could bear to read.
I can remember clearly as to why I didn’t pay that fine in the first place. To be honest I didn’t see myself guilty of committing a crime, I had pleaded not guilty after all. So it didn’t make any sense for me to entertain the thought of skipping on down to the bank to hand over monies of my own free will and accord. I felt that in doing so would have been an admission of guilt. Plus I was off-grid at the time (no fixed abode) and for all the hardships I endured, disappearing off into a puff of smoke was one of the perks of homelessness after all.
I can remember clearly as to why I didn’t pay that fine in the first place. To be honest I didn’t see myself guilty of committing a crime, I had pleaded not guilty after all. So it didn’t make any sense for me to entertain the thought of skipping on down to the bank to hand over monies of my own free will and accord. I felt that in doing so would have been an admission of guilt. Plus I was off-grid at the time (no fixed abode) and for all the hardships I endured, disappearing off into a puff of smoke was one of the perks of homelessness after all.
In a perfect world I would have stayed off-grid forever but alas, life doesn’t always do what you want it to. While it’s good to set goals and have direction, sometimes what’s better than holding yourself to account, is the flexibility to let go and just let it all unfold. So as it happens I am traceable once more.
Its been a hot minute since my heady days of anarchistic resistance, and in these recent years I’ve even started to fancy settling back into the swing of society. I love coffee shops, hanging about town and all that fun, so it took me a while to weigh all up the pros and cons and I asked around for advice. Generally folk were in agreement that it could be better to pay the fine. The consequences and stresses were not going to be worth the paltry sum they were after. Sometimes you need to “play the game”, “pick your battles”, “what good can you do when you’re stuck behind bars”.
Its been a hot minute since my heady days of anarchistic resistance, and in these recent years I’ve even started to fancy settling back into the swing of society. I love coffee shops, hanging about town and all that fun, so it took me a while to weigh all up the pros and cons and I asked around for advice. Generally folk were in agreement that it could be better to pay the fine. The consequences and stresses were not going to be worth the paltry sum they were after. Sometimes you need to “play the game”, “pick your battles”, “what good can you do when you’re stuck behind bars”.
To be fair I could easily have just paid the bloody fine, removing not only a financial threat but the physical threat of bailiffs too. But actually, do you know what miracle has happened since? Existential crisis has now gone out the window, and I’ve never felt so alive than in having this moral cause to defend. Is life supposed to be about always looking for an easy time of it, to either live for pleasure or to not live out of fear? You all know I’ve been known to take a little inspiration from only the best guy ever 'Jesus Christ' and Jesus taught us that sacrifice was needed for salvation. As Radio Head, Thom York in No Surprises sings it, I don’t think I’d ever be happy confined to the ‘pretty house and pretty garden’ while the whole world was going to rot.
So after I reacquainted myself with the morals of why I didn’t pay that fine all those years ago, my final word is this. If they want to take the money then they can take it, but I ain’t lifting a finger to hand over nothin’ in a quiet and orderly manner.
I was running from the law but now I’m facing it. Because the law and what is actually ‘right’ are two very different things. I’m taking on the authorities again, armed with my battlement of righteousness haha! Live your authentic self, don’t perpetuate what you don’t believe in and if easy life ever equals existential crisis, then you know what to do.
Anyway, get onto this. Do you know where that letter actually came from? Only the London Collections and Compliance Centre! So for the record, no I do not comply with these corrupt systems of control and one day I do insist that, ‘Nineteen Eight Four’ WILL have a happy ending.
Anyway, get onto this. Do you know where that letter actually came from? Only the London Collections and Compliance Centre! So for the record, no I do not comply with these corrupt systems of control and one day I do insist that, ‘Nineteen Eight Four’ WILL have a happy ending.
